How to stop overthinking when your mind won't switch off (even at night)

You're lying in bed, exhausted to your bones, and yet your mind is running a full marathon. Replaying that conversation from three days ago. Catastrophising about something that hasn't even happened yet. Mentally writing tomorrow's to-do list at 2 am. Round and round it goes, and no matter how many times you tell yourself to just stop thinking, it doesn't work.

If this sounds familiar, you're not broken. But you are caught in one of the most exhausting and misunderstood cycles that quietly drains so many people, overthinking.

And the first step to getting out of it? Recognising it for what it really is.

What is overthinking?

Overthinking isn't just "thinking too much." It's a pattern, one that your nervous system has learned, often as a way of trying to keep you safe.

Overthinking comes in two main flavours:

Rumination, dwelling on the past. "Why did I say that?" "I should have done it differently." "What must they think of me?" It's like picking at a wound that never gets the chance to heal.

Worry, projecting into the future. "What if I fail?" "What if they leave?" "What if I can't cope?"

Your imagination runs wild with worst-case scenarios, and your body responds as if they're actually happening, because to your nervous system, there's no difference between a real threat and an imagined one.

Both are exhausting. Both keep you stuck.

Why overthinking gets worse at night

During the day, you have distractions, tasks, conversations, movement and maybe a business to run. But the moment your head hits the pillow and the noise of the world quietens down? Your mind fills the silence.

Sleep deprivation then makes it worse. A tired brain is a less regulated brain, more reactive, less able to reason, more prone to catastrophising. And so the cycle tightens: overthinking disrupts sleep, poor sleep fuels more overthinking, and around you go.

Signs you might be caught in an overthinking cycle

Sometimes, overthinking becomes so normal that we stop recognising it as a problem. It just feels like us, like the way our mind works. But look a little closer.

Do any of these feel familiar?

• You replay conversations long after they've ended, wondering if you said the wrong thing

• You struggle to make decisions, even small ones, because you can't stop second-guessing yourself

• You feel mentally exhausted even after a full night's sleep (or what was supposed to be one)

• You find it hard to be present; you're always either in the past or the future, rarely here

• You feel anxious without being able to pinpoint exactly why

  
  

If you recognised yourself in even a few of those, it's worth pausing and asking: how long have I been living like this?

Because here's something I've seen time and again, with clients, especially female entrepreneurs, with people I've met across the world, and in my own life too. We normalise our suffering. We tell ourselves everyone feels this way. We push through. We keep going.

And the longer we ignore it, the louder it gets.

Why overthinking isn't a character flaw

I want to say this clearly: if you overthink, there is nothing wrong with you.

Often, overthinkers are some of the most caring, conscientious, empathetic people I know. They think deeply because they care deeply about getting things right, about the people in their lives, about not making mistakes. 

In many cases, overthinking is anxiety's close companion. It's a nervous system that hasn't learned how to feel safe enough to rest. And just as that pattern was learned, it can be unlearned.

The first step: Awareness without judgment

Before you can change a pattern, you need to see it clearly. Not to beat yourself up about it, but to understand it.

Start by simply noticing. When does the overthinking tend to kick in? Is it triggered by specific situations, a difficult conversation, a looming deadline, or a quiet Sunday when there's nothing to distract you? 

You don't need to fix anything yet. Just observe. Awareness is where change begins, and it's more powerful than most people realise.

The moment you can say "there I go again, replaying that conversation" instead of getting swept away in it, you've created a tiny but important gap between you and the thought. That gap is everything.

You don't have to figure this out alone

Overthinking, at its core, is often a sign that your nervous system needs support, that somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling safe enough to simply be. That's not something you should have to work through on your own.

Whether you've been living with this for months or years, whether it keeps you up at night or dogs your every waking hour, there is a way through. Not by thinking harder or trying to logic your way out, but by learning to work with your mind rather than against it.

If any of this has resonated with you, know that what you're feeling is real, it's valid, and it doesn't have to be permanent.

Ready to start giving your mind the rest it deserves? Download my free guide for busy women entrepreneurs, How to Slow Down Without Falling Behind, and discover simple, practical tools to quiet the noise and feel like yourself again.

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Jess X

Jess Adshead

UKIHCA Registered Health Coach and Mentor | Founder, Golden Bear Therapies

I'm a health and mindset coach and mentor, a big believer in calm success, and an unapologetic lover of donkeys (I could talk about them all day, just so you know what you're getting into). With over 12 years' experience as an integrative health practitioner and now a registered health coach, I've had the joy of helping hundreds of women find their way back to themselves.

I help busy, overwhelmed and anxious women to restore their energy, find calm, and feel genuinely happy in their lives again.

I know this work because I've lived it. I used to push through, ignore my own needs, and wait for life to calm down… but it never did. That experience (along with a few others!) shapes how I help others now.

I'm the founder of Golden Bear Therapies, a former grower of micro salad for Michelin star restaurants turned equine and human Bowen therapist turned Health Coach and Mindset Mentor (yes, that really is all one person!), a passionate nature enthusiast, and very proud pet parent of 2 dogs, a horse, and a donkey.

I believe every woman deserves to feel genuinely at home in her own life — anxiety free, calm, confident, and happy — and I'm on a mission to help as many of them as possible get there

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